Grateful Journal, Friday 8/31

Me and Matthew after his performance in April of Rumors.

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~a phone call from Matthew (thus the picture above!!)
~my sister; it's her birthday
~not having to do anything but brush my hair today!
~meeting with the church publicity committee today for lunch.
~Lisa's fresh ideas.
~Time to write a media release for Rally Day.
~An e-mail from Randy.
~Listening to "The Regime" (audiobook) as I drove back and forth and back and forth to Fontbonne today.
~Reading some feedback in my COF journal on Sammie.
~A nap tonight (I think I'm getting old)
~Recognizing God's finger print tonight while I was on-line.
~The possibility of doing some on-line research with a Christian women's site (praying hard on this one).
~My friend Tab and her ministries; she's such a blessing to me.
~Talking to Melissa today as she was driving home.
~Possibility of doing some more trio singing in church.
~Plans for some "girl time" with Melissa on Monday.
~Our home computer continues to work (will miracles never cease?)
~Starbucks this morning; I think I'm addicted!
~Finding some cute stained glass sun catchers for my sister and getting them in the mail.
~Watching Payton protect us tonight form the loud sounds (teenage party) coming from next door.
~Payton is feeling better--playing more and moving back to her regular diet.
~Posting on Circle of Friends tonight.
~My sabbatical research--I still can't believe I'm actually getting paid for this!!
~the opportunity to teach high school Sunday school.
~Talking with Lisa C. on the phone tonight.
~Watching the Holy Spirit put puzzle pieces together!! (this is so cool)
~Extended time for prayer, reflection, and meditation.
~Having Bill home early this evening.

Hair, it's not just a Texas thang!!

I feel like a real person again. Why you might ask? Well, I got my hair done tonight. Roots touched up, cut, conditioned and styled. And now I'm a new woman!! Really.

Beth Moore knows the importance of hair. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that most Texas women have "good hair," or at least they look like they do. I don't think I've ever seen a Texan with bad hair!!

You know it's funny how something so insignificant like hair can make such a big difference in our perception. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not obsessed with my hair. In fact, I have pretty good "bed head"--I can roll out of bed, run my hands through my hair and go (please don't hate me!!) Anything that takes too much time/styling is not for me.

Yet, I have to admit I feel so much better now than I did earlier today. So here's a toast to my stylist Laura!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I feel pretty (oh, so pretty. . . )

I can now go out of the house without scaring everyone (tee hee).

Totally styling,
~Cheryl

Grateful Journal Wednesday 8/29

~~~~~~CHERYL is SANE or close to it once again!!!~~~~~~~~~~

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~Being a little more "sane" today than during the last week.
~Getting out of bed even though I didn't feel like it
~Turkey for dinner tonight.
~Buying some health food at Schnuck's while Sammie was in class.
~Payton snoring.
~Catching up on readin journals at COF.
~Reflecting on WWW in April.
~God's comfort which just washed over me like rain today
~A reminder that I get my hair done tomorrow; it needs it!
~Making it through rush hour traffic easily.
~Listening to my Ipod in the car.
~Wearing my Uggs and PJs tonight
~Watching tv--Criminal Minds and Girlfriends.
~Starbucks--need I say more?
~Having Bubble Tea for the first time today--yummy!
~Comments on my blog
~Finding the perfect gifts and cards at Hallmark
~E-mailing my cousin Karen today.
~Pain relief!!
~My Bible
~Being at home and sleeping in my own bed.
~Laughter
~PM's from Kelly and Roxy and Lisa.
~Reading the responses to Sammie's post.
~Going to Fontbonne (dropping Sammie off) and NOT going in!!
~Time to spend on the computer
~Watching God move in a mighty way in Sammie's life.
~An e-mail from Lisa catching me up on her life!!
~My budding friendship with Lisa.

More Alive Than Ever!

If you've been following this blog, you know that I received an urgent call from my parents last week. My Uncle Junior took a turn for the worse and lapsed into a coma. I headed to Paducah, KY and got to see him late Wednesday evening. He was struggling for every breath.

As I watched him I found myself stuggling too--wanting to do something, anything to help. I desperately wanted to take away all his pain--all the pain my cousins Karen and Gary and my Aunt Daphene were feeling, after all they'd been on the "front line" so to speak for the past 6 months. Yet I felt helpless. That night I prayed my butt off as I cried out to the LORD. Thank goodness the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, I'm not sure I would have been able to get out any words through the tears.

The next morning we got "the call." My uncle had passed away. We quickly hurried back to the hospital. He was still there. No, let me correct that. His body was still there. Since he was lifeless, the struggle to breathe was gone. He was finally at peace. And that was so evident from his body. His face was turned upward. It looked like his spirit had just slipped out of his body.

Although on the surface this story may seem like the end of the story, actually it's just the beginning.

You see, a young, country pastor (interestingly not my uncle's pastor) spent lots of time with him during the last couple of months. They spent countless hours talking and becoming friends. Through friendship this pastor introduced my uncle to the real Jesus--the one that is alive and active, the one that died on the cross for ours sins, the one who seeks out his lost sheep. And my uncle's life forever changed when he invited Christ into his heart. Can I get a couple of Hallelujahs??

What make this story all the more interesting is that my uncle attended the same church regularly for the past 40 years. I didn't know he wasn't saved. I imagine most people didn't. How many pastors had just "assumed" he was a Christian? It makes me wonder how many other people that attend church with us from week to week, sit next to us, worship with us, attend potlucks with us, you name it, don't know the saving grace of Jesus Christ. And we stay silent because we either don't take the time or are afraid to ask the hard questions--the important questions.

All it took was the boldness of one country preacher to change my Uncle Junior's life forever. No alter call, dynamic sermon, or religious conference. Simply the overwhelming love and sharing from one man to another. I'm absolutely sure my uncle is in Heaven, rejoicing with my sweet Jesus. And although I'll miss him, I'm rejoicing too.

I'm equally sure my uncle Junior would attest to what Dwight L. Moody said: "One day you'll read in the papers that I've died. Don't believe a word of it! I'll be more alive than ever."

Good-bye for now Uncle Junior, I'll catch you on the other side!

Midnight Madness

This is a re-post from my blog in June. Since the LPM blog is dealing with pet stories, I decided to give this one a go again. Enjoy! Oh and if you scroll down on the right side you can see a short video of Payton singing!!!

If you could have been a fly on the wall last night, I think you would have laughed--deep, big belly laughs. You see Payton our lovable pup got a bath. Why you might ask? Well, suffice it to say that it that is was yours truly's idea. Payton had been biting at her front legs all night and had developed a new, weird behavior of biting into the couch.

My hubby, Bill in his infinite wisdom suggested that she might have gotten something on her when she was outside. Well, all kinds of images races through my brain--everything from fleas to some type of plant irritant. Needless to say, I decided then and there she had to have a bath. Now I don't know if you've ever tried to give a dog a bath, but this is not easy task, not under the best of circumstances. Add in this was way past midnight and I was the only one willing to do the task. With lots of water, soap and only a couple attempts of escape, I managed to accomplish the task with only half on the water getting on the floor!!

The trickiest task was attempting (notice the word choice here) to get Payton dry. Two towels later, I gave up. She would just have to air dry in our air conditioned house. I thought, "Can a dog get a cold from being cold?" This is one bit of knowledge my mother forgot to teach me. So, I took a deep breath at let Payton go. What ensued next was truly comical, as if up to this point weren't bad enough. Off she runs wet fur flapping, running around the living room wanting to play. I decided that sleep would not be easy for me with Payton in this current frenzy, so I took my pillow and blanket and sat on the couch.

And. . . Payton played, and played, and played. I tried to avoid her gaze, thinking if I didn't make eye contact she'd get tired faster. Not to be--nope! At one point she started barking and growling at a pile of dirty clothes. With repeated attempts to calm her unsuccessful, I got up to look at the clothes, ready to convince her to stop barking. Low and behold, sitting on top of the pile of clothes was her toy. She must have "flipped" it up there when she was playing. Lack of sleep had gotten to me at this point and I collapsed in laughter. If it hadn't been so late, I would have looked for the hidden camera. Content with her toy, Payton climbed up on the couch, snuggled down by my pillow and promptly fell asleep.

What a sight!! As for me. . . I'm still sleep deprived and just a little "punchy." But what else would you expect from a round of midnight madness? And I thought all this was over now that my kids are teens. Silly me!

A *Sigh* of Relief!!

Well today was one of those great days in which I got to breathe a big sigh of relief. I hired and trained a new part-time faculty member for the last open section of interpersonal communication. What's really cool about this instructor is that she was actually one of my students who graduated a few years ago, went on to graduate school and is now back to Fontbonne to teach. . full circle for her!

Another sigh of relief for Payton. Although she's not back to normal by any means, she did actually eat today and so far no loose stool. Praise the LORD. This poor pup has gone through so much. And believe it or not, I've actually worried as much as if she were one of my kids!! So keep praying for her.

Tomorrow is Sammie's first day as a college student--at least kind of. She's taken classes at Fontbonne the past two summers, but summer classes don't have the same "campus" feel as the regular year. I know she's excited and anxious to be with "regular" Fontbonne students. As for me, I'll actually be driving her in and picking her up for the first month until she gets her driver's license. I've still got a bunch of loose ends to tie up, so I'll probably stay and work tomorrow.

Officially I'm on sabbatical!!! I'm so excited. Yes, I actually have to work/research during my time away from the classroom, but I don't have any other administrative duties. Honestly, I don't think it's really hit me yet. I'm going to be studying on-line communication among women. So, you may be getting an on-line survey from me at some point. Right now, I'm still just trying to get the a good feel for the direction of the research. Regardless, it's something that I'm super interested in finding out more. I'll keep you guys posted with the good (non-boring) stuff!

The bad news today is about my Uncle Junior who has lung cancer. My dad called while I was buying Sammie's textbooks. My uncle has lapsed into a coma and probably only has 3-5 days to live. My parents are on their way down to the hospital in Paducah KY to see him. I'm planning on driving down tomorrow after I pick up Sammie from class. So, say a prayer or two for my family okay? The good news, however is that my uncle accepted Christ during the past year and for that I'm so grateful.

Enough for now. Time for another big sigh of relief as I finish this post (tee hee), which has gone on far too long; I'm starting to sound like a long-winded professor (oh no!!! )

Grateful Journal Monday 8/20

These are the women from the "Circle of Friends/Women Comfort Women" website that Sammie and I met in Chicago. What a great bunch of sistas!

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~finding a teacher for the last communication class at FBU!!
~sleeping in late.
~comments on my blog; people are reading it!!
~hearing from prayer warriors for my Uncle Junior.
~e-mail from Lisa
~Anita got long distance (does the happy dance)
~Arizona green tea
~all the support I received this past week, lots from those I don't even know!
~watching God put together the puzzle pieces of my life.
~gleaning from the Holy Spirit
~God's overwhelming love that's washed over me
~several opportunities to talk to Kelly through PM's
~my friendship with Kelly
~Anita's understanding
~an e-mail from Bob C.
~Talking briefly with Sherry
~Talking with Melissa after church--long time since we've touched base
~Andrew taking responsibility for school.
~The virtual prayer vigil for Cass
~The prayers Paye put together for the prayer vigil
~The spiritual foundation of this new website, Circle of Friends
~My budding friendship with Lisa--her reaching out to me
~Medication for Payton
~God's Word that penetrates to the deepest part of me.
~Listening to my Ipod--praise and worship music.
~A post from Travis Cottrell on my blog
~Dr. Stallins had a healthy baby boy
~Sammie's help with Payton
~Picture of my the women from our Chicago trip
~My relationship with my pastor
~Matthew getting a resident chaplain position at Greenville
~Sammie's new job at Video Exchange
~I'm on sabbatical!!!!
~Watching tv tonight

Just say "Yes"

~~~~~~~~This is a picture of my church. Isn't it cute?~~~~~~

The answer is YES for those of you who are looking for something a little less abstract in this blog. I did go to church today. Can I get an "Amen" from someone?? And though it was a bit awkward, He was right there beside me, holding me tightly. I have to admit I did have the momentary thought of skipping it and heading to McDonald's for breakfast. I'm sure glad I didn't, though.

What a precious time of worship the two of us had! Although I know there were others around, they faded into the background as me and my sweet Jesus had a special time of celebration and worship. Yep, we had our own little "praise fest." And to think, I missed this last Sunday for my own little pity party. Oh my what a loss!

The morning was topped off by a puppet show presented by the Sunday school kids. What a hoot!! I laughed so hard I almost choked on my coffee at one point (and yes we can have coffee in the worship service; pretty cool, eh?) There's something about the innocence of children in their love for the LORD that just can't be duplicated. Don't you agree?

Anyway, thanks to all of you who held me up in prayer during the last week. If you're looking for answered prayer, I'm a shining example of that. So, I'll end this blog with a simple "thank you." Although it's not quite adequate, it will have to do. Thanks my siestas (and brothers too).

Crazy for Christ,
~Cheryl

How to say "good-bye!"

Matthew just walked out the door, car loaded to the brim. Yes, it's that time of year again when he heads back to college.

This isn't his first year away. I've already experienced that. Why then do I find myself overcome with emotion once again? Okay, I admit it. I cried like a baby--only after he was gone, of course.

Perhaps it's because this may well be the last time he leaves. I'm not sure what next summer holds. As a ministry major he may well be interning in some type of ministry full-time--undoubtedly far from home.

How does time pass so quickly? Where did my cute little, dinosaur loving, Power Ranger playing boy go? It seems like just yesterday that I sent him off to kindergarten, standing tall, waving goodbye as he entered Mrs. Furkin's class room.

And so, this video by Michael W. Smith really stuck a chord with my heart. Actually, it hit me so hard that it was amazing I could see it through the tears. Just how do we let go and say "good-bye?" If anyone has the answer of how to do this easily I'd like to know.

This makes me think of God, that awful moment when He had to say good-by to His son Jesus as He hung on the cross--knowing that He was doing it out of the deep love--for you and for me. Frankly I can't imagine His sorrow. When I think of His sacrifice, my own pales in comparison. I am in such awe of His love for me that it makes me drop to the ground in humble thanksgiving.

So, it's my turn to say "good-bye." And even though I don't like it, it's time to let my son go. After all, he's in good hands--the nail scarred hands of my Savior!

"Good-bye, Matthew. I love you!!. . . . . .Mom"

Riding the Roller Coaster

It's Sunday, again after what seems like a very long week. As I reflect back I can hardly believe the roller coaster I've been on. Now, I know most people like roller coasters, the rush of adrenaline, the wind in their hair, the feeling of relief as the ride comes to an end, then the anticipation of the riding the roller coaster yet once again.

But not me. I don't like them. Nope, not one little bit! I'd much rather choose a different, safer more predictable ride like the Merry-Go-Round.

I'm struck by the fact that unlike an amusement park where you can choose what you ride, life does not allow the same luxury of choice. Rather we're placed on a specific ride regardless of our likes and dislikes. What we do get to choose is our reaction to the ride. Part of our reaction must be based upon trust. Do we trust the one who is in control of the ride? Will we get to the end safely even though the track may rise and fall with bumps and turns around each bend?

So even though I may not like the ride I've been on lately, I do trust the One who is in control. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to throw my hands up in the air and embrace the rush as the roller coaster rises and falls. Nope, I'm still going to hang on for dear life. But at least I'm not going to fight (of flee from) the ride. Rather I'm going to take a deep breath and trust that eventually the "wild" ride will come to an end.

Now, I'm not sure whether my ride has come to the end or whether it's just stopped before starting again. I do know, that I can make it though safely with the help of my Savior who has His arms tightly wrapped around me, and that much I can embrace. Because regardless of the ride Christ will be there right beside me. And after all, isn't that what it's all about--learning to lean on and trust Him.

So go ahead and crank up the ride. I'm ready--roller coaster or Merry-Go-Round. With Christ by my side I can't lose.

Trusting my Savior,
~Cheryl

Puzzle Pieces

As I walked into the church last night, I was actually feeling okay. After all, I was early--there to set up and of course get the popcorn bagged and ready to go. I was greeted by my friend Barb and her husband Jim. You could not ask for two more loving people. What's really interesting about them is that their daughter, Julie now a FBU alumni, was one of my students. In fact I was her advisor. Isn't it weird how the LORD ties everything together--like pieces of a puzzle? We can't see their relationship until they're put together.

And it got me to thinking just how the LORD is orchestrating my life right now. Although I may not see how the individual moments fit together, the LORD does. My job is simply to trust Him and be obedient to His call. So even if I don't fully understand this season of my church life, the LORD does. He has a plan and knows exactly how to place the pieces together. If I'm in tune with Him those pieces will fit together easily; they won't have to be forced. It's only when I'm outside His will that the pieces don't fit.

Honestly, I've never been very good with puzzles, but my sweet Jesus is. Praise Him for that! So there’s no need for me to panic when I can’t figure out where an individual piece goes. Rather, it's time for me to move over and let His hand guide the process.

The Body

This well written mystery/drama was what we watched last night during movie night. Although I've seen it before most folks were unfamiliar with the flick. Shot on location in Jerusalem, the stunning visual scenes if nothing else provide a compelling reason to watch the video. So if you haven't seen "The Body" check it out. I'm sure it will be worth your time.

Pop, Pop, Pop!! Pop and Never Stop!

For those of you who have been following along with my journey during the last week, I think you'll find a least a bit of progress in this. I'm off to church!! In July we planned a movie night. So, I've been popping popcorn all afternoon (It smells wonderful in my house, that is if you like popcorn, which I do!). I know it's not really a "big event", but it is one that has me back with my church family, in a social/relaxed situation.

If the truth be told, I'm a tad nervous, no make that very nervous. Since my meeting Monday with Pastor Ray, I'm feeling just a little "exposed." Now, I know that's exactly where the Holy Spirit wants me. I'm absolutely sure of that. He's been very clear on the issue. I can't help, however to feel the strong urge to cut and run the opposite direction. But if nothing else I've learned over the years, it's best to be obedient to His will. And of course, if I didn go/cut and run I would waste some perfectly good popcorn. Now that would be a shame!!

So say a prayer or two for me okay. Yup, I'm definitely moving forward--one small step at a time!

To be continued. . .

Baby Steps. . .

Okay, it's pretty obvious if you've been following along with this blog, that the Holy Spirit has really been working in my life. In particular, He's been working on my trust and authenticity.

I just bought a Casting Crowns CD. The words from "Stained Glass Masquerade" really hit me like a lead balloon. I've included them in the previous post and in the video clip below:



I don't want to be a plastic person not in church, not in life. Yet, I find it so hard to really open up and really share. Yep, that's the one area I hold back on and the one area the Holy Spirit says "surrender to me."

You might think it's because my church is "non-authentic," but that's not the case. I'm in a small, new start church and the folks are wonderful, very warm and caring. It's easy to connect and I do have good friends. In fact several people have reached out to me during my "Sunday Morning crisis." So why do I find it so hard to just be me?

Past experience haunts me. . always lurking just around the horizon. It's funny how one bad church experience, not matter how long ago can still reach its tentacles into the present. But this time I'm saying "no." I'm choosing to look it right in the face and see it for what it is--the past. Not my present or my future.

So, that's my first step. It's not a big one, but it is forward movement. I'm going to be leaning on those "Everlasting Arms" big time during the next few week. So keep me in prayer, okay? And if I fall down, which I might, I could use a hand up. Regardless, I'm going to keep up the baby steps.

a little wobbly but movin forward,
~Cheryl

Stained Glass Masquerade

Stained Glass Masquerade
by Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today, feeling so small?
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away
like everything's ok
If I make 'em all believe it
Maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin
I'll play the part again
So everyone will see me
The way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
under shiny plastic steeples
with walls around our weakness
and smiles that hide our pain
but the invitations open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands raised?
Am I the only one who's traded in
The altar for a stage?
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If i dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
You imagine me to be
Or would your eyes be opened
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay?

Are we happy plastic people
under shiny plastic steeples
with walls around our weakness
and smiles that hide our pain
but the invitations open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Grateful Journal, Friday 8/31

Picture of Me and Matthew after his performance in Rumors.

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~my sister; it's her birthday
~meeting with the church publicity committee today for lunch.
~Lisa's fresh ideas.
~Time to write a media release for Rally Day.
~Listening to "The Regime" (audiobook) as I drove back and forth and back and forth to Fontbonne today.
~Reading some feedback in my COF journal on Sammie.
~A nap tonight (I think I'm getting old)
~Recognizing God's finger print tonight while I was on-line.
~The possibility of doing some on-line research with a Christian women's site (praying hard on this one).
~My friend Tab; she's a blessing to me.
~Talking to Melissa today as she was driving home.
~Possibility of doing some more trio singing.
~Plans for some "girl time" with Melissa on Monday.
~An e-mail from Randy
~A call from Matthew.
~Our home computer continues to work (will miracles never cease?)
~Starbucks this morning; I think I'm addicted!
~Finding some cute stained glass sun catchers for my sister and getting them in the mail.
~Watching Payton protect us tonight form the loud sounds (teenage party) coming from next door.
~Payton is feeling better--playing more and moving back to her regular diet.
~Posting on Circle of Friends tonight.
~My sabbatical research--I still can't believe I'm actually getting paid for this!!
~the opportunity to teach high school Sunday school.
~Talking with Lisa C. on the phone tonight.
~Watching the Holy Spirit put puzzle pieces together!!
~Extended time for prayer, reflection, and meditation.
~Having Bill home early this evening.

I've Lost That Sinking Feeling

Did you ever get one of those sinking feelings? You know the one where your stomach drops to your feet like when you see the red light flashing in your rear view mirror when you're going a bit too fast? Oh come on, I'm not the only one who's had one of those moments, am I?

Last night after a very difficult day I opened my work e-mail just to "check" if anything needed immediate attention. Much to my dismay I received an e-mail from my pastor that said:

"I called you this afternoon and read your blog tonight. I've been concerned about you. We need to talk."

Now I don't know about you but two sets of words immediately jumped off the page--"read your blog," and "need to talk." Yes, my stomach did one of those drops. I didn't think anyone even read my blog, let alone my pastor!

"No, no, no, LORD! This can't be happening!! After all you KNOW how difficult it is for me to share myself. I knew I shouldn't have hit that publish post button." But since the cat was already of the bag, so to speak, I bit the bullet and returned his call this morning. We set a time to meet and "talk" this afternoon.

When I opened the doors to the church I felt that all too familar feeling of my stomach dropping to my feet once again. Thank goodness he was on the phone. It gave me a few minutes to practice some deep breathing and collect myself.

Now before you get the wrong idea, there's absolutely nothing wrong, bad or scary about my pastor. In fact, I can't think of any other pastor in my lifetime that has been more gentle,intelligent, sensitive, funny and displays a consistent godly character. The apprehension was simply all self-constructed (i.e. in my head). I'm not sure what I expected, but I was sure it wasn't going to be good. After all, how could I explain what I was feeling when I wasn't quite sure what was going on myself?

Through gentle questioning, actively listening, and sensitive responses he guided me smoothly through my Sunday Morning crisis. While I'd like to keep the details of the conversation to myself (y'all know you how private I am), I will say that the Holy Spirit was alive and moving through my pastor. By the end of our 2 hour conversation and prayer, I had experienced a new clarity and peace beyond all understanding. How cool is that??

So I'd like to end this post by giving a big "shout out" to Pastor Ray. I have no idea if he'll read this or not. But the time he spent with me this afternoon has moved me out of Sunday Morning Crossroads and onto the path of church life again. Thanks Pastor Ray. You were (and continue to be) Christ in the flesh to me.

Crazy for Christ,
~Cheryl

Thanks to my Blogging Siestas!

Thank you to all of you who posted, e-mailed and/or prayed for me. I was very vulnerable and raw and frankly I needed (although it's hard to admit) to hear from others. Although I have to admit, I didn't really expect any comments or e-mails. I can't even begin to tell you how the LORD has been working through you all. Suffice it to say that it's absolutely amazing how much difference 24 hours can make. Truly the Holy Spirit has been working overtime in my life.

I'd like to share one really sweet comment that came from my friend Anita. Besides some very practical advice she added the most stunning visual image for me. She writes:

You say that your relationship is growing in Christ. That you are feeling closer and closer to him. I have an image of you meeting Christ and he is welcoming you with a warm loving smile and embrace. He lets go of you and is leading you further into a garden where he wants to share with you a very special message. In order to follow him though you must listen very closely to his direction. For he has a very personal and splendid message for you. He has a special mission for you. You cannot see where you must go but you can hear where you must go. He has let go of you because he wants you to follow by your own will. He is allowing you to choose to hear the message or not.

Can't you just picture that image? What an amazing picture she painted for me. It totally blew me away and brought me exactly to the point I needed to be--listening and following.

So the next time you waiver about whether to post or not, error on the former. You never know just how much that person needs your words or just how the Holy Spirit will use them.

Sunday Morning Crossroads

It's Sunday Morning and I should be in church, but I find myself at home yet again. Yes, there are a thousand excuses I could use. I have a broken finger and toe which hurt like the dickens. It's hot as blazes here. I'm really tired. My schedule's way off. I overslept. My family didn't get ready in time. And the list goes on. I did get up and get dressed for church, just didn't make it out the door. No, that's not true; we managed to make it to McDonald's and back. I actually had a core leadership meeting after church today that I've missed. So I really have to question my motivation.

Is it a lack of spiritual thirst? I don't think so. My personal relationship with Christ has been growing steadily, not diminishing. And yes, I do feel the longing to be with and connect with other believers. So, I'm not sure what this new found Sunday Morning apathy is about. I can quote scripture and verse about the body of Christ and how important it is to gather together to worshipand support one another. Yet even when I do manage to attend church lately, I feel a deep void. There's something missing and I'm not sure what it is.

Now before you judge me, know that I've been on my face before the LORD over this issue. I've sucked up more carpet fibers than I care to. And I've poured my heart out. Yet, He's been silent on the issue. Do I continue to wait? Push myself to go and "play" church--going through the motions? Somehow the latter just doesn't seem to ring true at a church called "Real Life," but then maybe that's exactly what a should do. Can you say, "confused?"

And I suppose I should have someone to turn to for guidance on this, but honestly I don't. My accountablilty partner lives in Canada and can't really discern the problem either, although she has kicked my rear a few times when I've needed it! My best friend has had major challenges recently. My husband has his own "issues" this summer and our lack of attendance doesn't seem to be problematic for him. And with others, I'm the one who always gives guidance, the strong one, not the one "needing" help. And perhaps that's part of the problem.

So, here I sit at the computer trying to decide whether to hit the post button or keep this all to myself, after all I'm an extremely private person. But, I also know the LORD has urged me to start and keep this blog. And if nothing else I'm going to be obedient to that call even if it is "risky" as I put myself out there, warts and all for you to see.

Thus, I stand at a crossroads of sorts, not moving forward but paralyzed in the path. I pray that the LORD will guide my steps. Until then I'm going to be still, listen instead of talk and just spend time with my Savior.

Patiently waiting and apprehensive to hit "publish post,"
~Cheryl

Beauty

Beauty. I've been thinking a lot about beauty this week as you've probably noticed with the video of the week, "Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty" and Mandisa's CD, True Beauty.

So how do you define beauty? Our culture definitely has a image of beauty. Take a look at the video below. It's very, very scary and certainly eye-opening. It's only a little over a minute. . and it might be the most enlightening video clip you've seen in a while. Watch it and let me know what you think?



Thank goodness God looks at our inner beauty. Do you know He finds you absolutely stunning? You're the apple of His eye. Unfortunately, too many of us buy into society's definition of beauty and as a result, we don't feel adequate. Ask any woman what she thinks about her body and she'll tell you something's wrong with it.

So how about this? Just for today, see yourself though God's eyes. Bask in the glory that you are loved absolutely the way you are. Isn't that cool? Don't know about you but I'm praising like crazy today for my Heavenly Father who loves me just as I am!!

Take a look at Mandisa's video, True Beauty to see how God see us!

Grateful Journal 8/10

You've gotta get this CD, True Beauty by Mandisa!! I LOVE it!

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~The video of the week "Dove Campaign for Really Beauty" on my blog
~Seeing the doctor today.
~Airconditioning in my car!!
~Sammie getting a call for a job interview tomorrow.
~Payton climbing on me to snuggles this morning.
~Iced white blueberry tea from Starbucks.
~Chatting with Rosey and Bubbles and HSmom tonight.
~A call from Amy--sharing our hearts.
~Realizing the pain from HOPE hurts less day by day.
~Melissa's new job in Clayton!!(an answer to prayer)
~Amy's new job close to home.
~Sammie having a fun night out tonight with Paula.
~Getting into my FBU e-mail with no problem today.
~Another e-mail from The Rev. about my sabbatical--a good lead.
~Risking "sharing" myself more with others--that "trust" thing is hard.
~No cooking tonight--a lean cuisine.
~Being at home and NOT interrupted tonight.
~Talking to Bill about the car.
~Buying Mandissa's new CD--It's really, really good.
~Listening to Lincoln Brewster's CD in the car.
~Finding a close parking space (on a very, very hot day).
~Watching the 20/20 special on Billy Graham.
~Reflecting on my children's relationships with Christ.
~A heartfelt PM from 2deep
~My relationship with Kelly

Grateful Journal 8/9

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~That I can write this journal tonight!!!
~Maxalt for my miraine
~Dr. Clinebell's dianosis for Payton
~New food and meds. for Payton
~A doctor's appoinment tomorrow.
~Filling some classes.
~My friends at COF
~Sammie's gentleness and help.
~Pasta for dinner (that I didn't have to cook!!)
~Getting out of bed and off the couch for the first time in a couple of days.
~Andrew's help carrying things.
~Sammie's care and concern for Payton
~Pain relief
~An e-mail from the Rev.
~Possibilities for my sabbatical
~Hearing form Beth on myspace.
~Bill's help while I've been "down"
~Sammie's driving me into and back from FBU.
~Registering Sammie for classes and FBU.
~Talking to Karen, Laura, and Sherry on the phone today.
~PM's from both Kelly and Anita
~A note in the mail from Sally, my sister in Christ!!
~Reading exams today. . catching up a bit.
~Reading the COF board.
~God's love and comfort during this challenging time.

Oh no, it's NOT my toe. . .

It's a good thing I'm a professor and not a proctologist!!

Would you, could you possibly believe I hurt another part of my body??? Well, believe it folks. This time it was my klutzy fault. Actually, our pup Payton hasn't been feeling well. I made the mistake of petting her while she was guarding some food (even though she'd refused to eat it). And she bit my finger!!! She immediately stopped, rolled over and submitted, but the damage was done. As it stands, I'm not sure whether it's broken or not. I see the doctor tomorrow (yes, I refused the ER). Needless to say I haven't been typing. . or doing anything but taking some pain medication!!

Now before you think bad things about Payton, she wasn't herself. We took her to the vet --knew something was going on with her, but didn't know what. We've since found out she has pancreatitus (sp?). So she was in a significant amount of pain. We now have several medications for her and special food. She's doing a little better now. . even wagging her tail. Thank goodness for a smart vet!!

Anyway, that's why I haven't been around here lately. I'm still thankful because even though the tough times God is good!!

Grateful Journal 8/6

~~~~~~~~My Queen Name: The Queen of Everything~~~~~~~~~

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~Waking up feeling better.
~Watching Payton sleep on her back.
~Ice cold bottled water.
~Pizza hut for dinner.
~Driving with Sammie to Greenville College and back.
~Reading posts on Circle of Friends.
~Watching Girlfriends this evening.
~Wearing my UGG slippers
~Air conditioning!!!
~Mountain Dew with lots of ice.
~My friend Anita (Butterflygirl)
~Thermacare patches for my back
~Payton riding in the car.
~Watching Payton drink water out of a bottle
~Negotiating peace between Sammie and Bill
~Comment in my blog
~Chatting tonight in COF
~Finding a coffee graphic for Katy
~Bringing Matthew's car home
~Melissa's invitation for lunch (even though I didn't get it in time)
~Good, deep laughter
~Watching how God ties things together.
~Rosey's back!
~My queen name--the queen of everything
~Bill saying "I love you."

Grateful Journal 8/5

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~Pain relief
~Andrew's closing performance in The Music Man
~Avoiding an uncomfortable encounter (God is good!!)
~Watching Payton play with her bone.
~Taking a long nap.
~Arizona Green Tea with Honey.
~Creating queen names for my COF sistas
~Being "goofy" and having fun!
~A PM from Musiclady.
~Laughing about number of posts with Tabitha.
~A comment on my blog.
~The new website, Circle of Friends.
~Dinner alone with Bill; what a treat!!
~Posting picture on photobucket
~Watching Wayne Dryer on PBS
~An ice cream cone from Dairy Queen
~My Finn Comfort Sandles--great for my hurting toe
~Bill taking the kids shopping today--what a great guy!!!
~Feeding Payton my leftover turkey from Bully's.
~Getting Heather (Bubbles) phone number.
~Listening to praise and worship music.
~Feeling better than yesterday.
~Reading and posting on the boards at Circle of Friends
~My comfy PJ's
~Email from Travis Cottrell

Circle of Friends

As some of you know I've been working with a women's networking website for the past year. Unfortunately, that website has just been closed. Now I could be in a panic for a variety of reasons, but God in His infinite wisdom opened a new door almost immediately as the other one shut.

One of the administrators from the old website anticipated it's demise and created an alternate website. She decided to name this new site, Circle of Friends. after the song were sang during our devotional time Sunday morning on the Chicago trip.

What I really think is cool, is that God has been at the center of this site since it's beginning!!! And isn't that where He should be? So, not only do I have a new, better opportunity for research, I now have sisters who have bonded over the healing power of God's love. Hallelujah!! Glory!! PTL!!

All this from a simple song. I think Point of Grace would be proud!!

Grateful Journal 8/4

Sammie at her surprise 16th birthday party at the hotel pool. (Note: I'm much, much thinner in person!!)

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~Sleeping in very, very late.
~Time to rest and feel better.
~Not having to cook dinner.
~Time alone in the house.
~PM's from my friend 2deep.
~Pictures from the Chicago trip.
~Finding other sistas in chat tonight.
~Laughing with Inky. She's such a hoot.
~Andrew's sweet, helping spirit.
~Tax fee weekend in Missouri!!
~Bill taking Sammie to the theatre tonight so I could stay in and rest.
~Talking to my mom and dad on the phone.
~Payton's protectiveness when I'm not feeling well.
~Pain relief!!
~Finding funny "queen" names.
~Ice cold smart water--ah. . .
~How cute Andrew looks in his costume and makeup (for The Music Man)
~Bill coming home just in time to take Andrew to the show
~My bed and PJ's

Oh no, it's my toe!

I have a confession. I'm a klutz. Not a little klutz, but a big one. Before I left for Chicago, I made the mistake a stepping down an a plastic container. At the time the bottom of my toe was scraped. It hurt like the dickens, but I didn't think too much about it. I covered it with new skin and left for Chi-town. Now while I was there it continued to hurt. . . actually it hurt something fierce. But I thought if I ignored it (mind over matter) it would get better and go away. No doing!! When I got back I went to the doctor's office. And much to my dismay, it is broken. Argh!!!

Now there's not much they can do for a broken toe. The doc put me on an antibiotic and gave me a tetanus shot. And, it should end there. But alas, NO. I've reacted to the shot. Have spent the last couple of days with a fever, chills, and a migraine. Oh my goodness!!

So, if you're so inclined say a prayer or two for my little piggy!! Hopefully, I'll be feeling better soon. Until then my posting here my be a bit sporadic. And yes, I will write about the Chicago trip and Andrew's debut in The Music Man. Just give me a couple of days to get back on my feet (no pun intended).

Grateful Journal 8/2

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~The new website Circle of Friends!
~Letting go and forgiving a fallen sister.
~My internet friends.
~Talking to Ray and Patty tonight at the show.
~Eating in the car at Sonic with the kids after the show.
~Cold bottled water to drink
~Pain relief for my broken toe.
~Payton crawling up on top of me this morning when I didn't feel well.
~Bill driving me to the doctor's office.
~Seeing Sharon Gerringer; finding out she's back in town.
~Buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly's
~Buying flowers for Melissa and Brenna.
~Laughing at the show tonight (even when I wasn't supposed to laugh).
~Finding out my Uncle Junior's prognosis is better than expected.
~Talking to my mom tonight on the phone.
~Andrew's performance in The Music Man (he did great!!)
~For prayer. . opportunity to listen to God.
~Finding Andy Park's book on worship.
~Watching Andrew open his musical card (plays "You're simply the best")
~Seeing the pictures from the Chicago trip posted.
~Reading the LPM and TCM blogs.
~Finding out the truth, no matter how painful and moving on.
~Listening to music from "Hairspray."

The Music Man

Well, tonight is the opening night for "The Music Man." As some of you already know my 14 year old son, Andrew is playing "Tommie" the teen-age troublemaker (who likes the mayor's daughter) in the show. Andrew's a bit nervous, although he'd never admit to it. So will y'all just keep him in prayer?? Right now, I'm sure he can use all the prayer he can get. I'll post later about the debut. Until then, pray hard, very hard!

Grateful Journal 8/1

Today I'm grateful for the following:
~Sammie's 16th birthday
~My cybersisters who've rallied together to support each other in this time of NEED!
~Rosey for her quiet strength and integrity.
~Having a place to connect--"Circle of Friends"
~A chance to talk to Kelly
~IM with Anita, Inky, and Heather.
~Birthday celebration tonight with the family.
~Arizona green tea.
~A Whole Foods run.
~The pictures from the Chicago trip.
~Pain relief
~Watching the kids interact and play together.
~Bill bringing home a dozen red roses for Sammie
~Sammie's reaction to the roses.
~My uncle's surgery today.
~Getting one set of grades submitted
~Circle of Friends!!!
~The unique way God works. . I'm always amazed.
~Andrew in make-up (for The Music Man)--too cute!!!
~Getting a drs appointment for tomorrow.
~A house full of laughter.
~Being connected to the internet again!

Sammie is 16 today!!

Sammie is 16 today!! Can you believe it??? My baby girl is growing up all too fast. We're back (in the wee hours of the morning) from Chicago, but on the run today. The WCW group threw Sammie a surprise party in Chicago, complete with a tiara to wear. What fun!! So wish her a happy birthday (and say a prayer or two for me. . after all she is 16)!!! Calgon take me away!!!!!