I've Lost That Sinking Feeling
Did you ever get one of those sinking feelings? You know the one where your stomach drops to your feet like when you see the red light flashing in your rear view mirror when you're going a bit too fast? Oh come on, I'm not the only one who's had one of those moments, am I?
Last night after a very difficult day I opened my work e-mail just to "check" if anything needed immediate attention. Much to my dismay I received an e-mail from my pastor that said:
"I called you this afternoon and read your blog tonight. I've been concerned about you. We need to talk."
Now I don't know about you but two sets of words immediately jumped off the page--"read your blog," and "need to talk." Yes, my stomach did one of those drops. I didn't think anyone even read my blog, let alone my pastor!
"No, no, no, LORD! This can't be happening!! After all you KNOW how difficult it is for me to share myself. I knew I shouldn't have hit that publish post button." But since the cat was already of the bag, so to speak, I bit the bullet and returned his call this morning. We set a time to meet and "talk" this afternoon.
When I opened the doors to the church I felt that all too familar feeling of my stomach dropping to my feet once again. Thank goodness he was on the phone. It gave me a few minutes to practice some deep breathing and collect myself.
Now before you get the wrong idea, there's absolutely nothing wrong, bad or scary about my pastor. In fact, I can't think of any other pastor in my lifetime that has been more gentle,intelligent, sensitive, funny and displays a consistent godly character. The apprehension was simply all self-constructed (i.e. in my head). I'm not sure what I expected, but I was sure it wasn't going to be good. After all, how could I explain what I was feeling when I wasn't quite sure what was going on myself?
Through gentle questioning, actively listening, and sensitive responses he guided me smoothly through my Sunday Morning crisis. While I'd like to keep the details of the conversation to myself (y'all know you how private I am), I will say that the Holy Spirit was alive and moving through my pastor. By the end of our 2 hour conversation and prayer, I had experienced a new clarity and peace beyond all understanding. How cool is that??
So I'd like to end this post by giving a big "shout out" to Pastor Ray. I have no idea if he'll read this or not. But the time he spent with me this afternoon has moved me out of Sunday Morning Crossroads and onto the path of church life again. Thanks Pastor Ray. You were (and continue to be) Christ in the flesh to me.
Crazy for Christ,
~Cheryl
7 comments:
When I posted a comment to your previous blog, I had not yet read this one ... It sounds as though your "wilderness time" turned out to be nowhere near a decade!
By the way, I think I FELT the "sinking feeling" with you as I read this account ... 'Glad you're feeling lighter now.
too funny...my stomach dropped too as soon as you said pastor & blog.
Cheryl,
Good morning!
I am soooo sorry I wasn't able to work it out for you to attend the conference in Indy last week. I so wish that I could have. I was in a world that was way new and unfamiliar to me. And I wasn't able to pull any strings...because I didn't have any strings to pull!!
Hope your week is great! Blessings to you...
TC
hahahaha I am also in the boat of the Pastor who is reading my blog or at least suspect that he is..and I have been calling him Princess..:) I do love him and he is awesome and God is awesome in HIM. I think true followers of Jesus do have a hard time getting to church on Sundays...my uneducated guess would be..the enemy just don't want us to be there. Keep pressing on!! Princess geek to princess geek!
Wow, look what all I've been missing while I was on vacation! I'm so glad your crossroads experience was met head on. I have never yet been in a position where I could miss church without jumping hoops to make sure there were other people to fill in for me. But there certainly were times when attendance was less than fulfilling. God has always continued to do His work in each dry time, and I can honestly say that our church family is vital to my survival. I could not make it without them. I pray that you'll experience that same kind of love in your church family.
Hi Cheryl,
I can only think of one thing to type right now...PRAISE GOD!
I'm so happy that God worked things out for you and I'm glad you have a pastor that loves his people!!!!
Much Love,
Angie xoxo
Of course we've all felt that sinking feeling, from the time as young kids in trouble to today when our lowered self esteem gets control of us and tries to take over and drag us down. Don't let it. I've found that times in my life when I've felt that way I try to surround myself with the good and get rid of the bad. How will I feel better in the end? Will I feel guilty for not doing this or that, or will I feel better if I just bite the bullet and do it? Does it matter? What is best for the situation? Worry, to me, serves no purpose. Try to make the best decision for the situation at hand. You're so intelligent Cheryl. You have everything at your fingertips. All of us go through difficult times. Life in general is full of ups and downs and the sooner we learn to deal with it the better we are. Don't let those down times take control. Don't let the worry take over. Take the meeting with Ray as an example. You see that your meeting led to a positive feeling. You worried over nothing. You worried that you had a negative feeling over the church? Do you think you are the only one that could have that feeling? We're human. Work through it! It's when we run, hide, and switch from this place t that place that we don't learn to work it out (this is my opinion). I find it interesting that I have not had a conversation with Ray about you and he called you and had a meeting with you. I knew nothing of this until I read this. I find the e-mails that we have shared today outside of this blog are interesting. I expressed to you that I have felt compelled to communicate with you. Why? I'm not sure of some things, but I know when God working. Listen. The beautiful thing is that I wonder how many have read this and have been touched without you even knowing. That's the real beauty in sharing. Giving of yourself without one bit of unselfishness. Sherry :)
Post a Comment